October 2008 Archives

Thunder & Rain.

By
Dante
on October 31, 2008 5:42 AM |
   For the first time that I am aware of (could've been asleep) there is real rain and thunder outside. I'm delighted that I was awake to experience it. The weather here has been so consistently boring (it's what I bargained for) that it almost grates on my New England nerves. Adjusting to a new weather pattern has been a challenge. I used to love the cold and still love the snow and the change of seasons will be missed, but every bargain has it's price.

   The rain is pitter pattering outside my window and it is soothing. There was a certain calm before the storm that has a synchronicity with my feelings right now about where I am going and what fork in the road to take. My journey out here has for awhile been on a sidetrack and I wouldn't change or trade much about what I've experienced for all the tea in a coffee house (inside joke). The relationships I've developed here have for the most part been healthy. My only regret(s) would be that I am still compartmentalizing my life and it does not serve any useful purpose anymore. I guess I am doing it out of habit. It's part of the baggage I brought with me. Issues of personal boundaries and trust have arisen as I knew they would (just so soon?), and any negative effects/experiences have been minimal and manageable. Being pigeonholed in a one-dimensional image not to my liking, by some people I entrusted with confidences, has been a lesson in remedial education I could live without. I know it's me and not them. I'm finally coming to terms with the idea I will go through the rest of my life puzzled by the pettiness and shallowness of those around me. I will stop trying to figure it all out.

Man has never been in control of anyone or anything in this world--especially not the self. IT is all illusion. That is part of the paradox of life.

go figure

   Here's a thought to ponder:

When we truly allow people into our lives we give them the power to hurt us. Some people use that power; some people abuse it; and some people observe it with an awe that must be like imagining one sees god. Power is a frightful thing in the hands of most who would choose to use it. How we choose to use power of any sort speaks volumes about us as individuals. 

trust me: walking is highly underrated...

I...i am just a number
I...hang on to what I got
You...say what you want to
I...i...i...i just try to stay alive
I...put myself together
People say, get away, somebody will turn you in
Life, life without surrender
Togetherness...ecstasy is what I need
I can laugh, but I should cry
When love and understanding are the ultimate crimes

(and I said) walk it down. talk it down.
(oh, oh, oh) sympathy. luxury.
Somebody will take you there.
Walk it down. talk it down.
(oh, oh, oh) sympathy. luxury.
Somebody will take you there.

She...says she remembers.
Time...long time ago.
We...belong together.
I...i...i...i turn up the radio
Lies, lies and propaganda
I...gonna tell you what I need
Life, life, without surrender
Togetherness...ecstasy is what I need
I got yours and you got mine
And I can swim, but I should fly

Chorus

Aint no crime to believe
I took my money, I bet my life
What you see is what you get
But it sure aint what we need.

--Walk It Down/Talking Heads

Weekend Update.

By
Dante
on October 30, 2008 8:57 PM |
   Here we are and it's the weekend again. Time flies. Tomorrow I head out to the high chaparral with my friend Bob, of the Big Harmonica Infamy. I have a few pretty decent short videos of Bob and his Outsiders group courtesy of Luis's (the POS') New Yorker's camera (of course POS is a term of endearment for any New Yorker worth their sh!t.). I'll post a few clips of BHB & The Outsiders after I get a video or two up on his web site. I'd post a link to Luis, but his paranoia takes precedence over my crappy little blog (his high opinion of my home page). I think there is a photo of both somewhere on my blog(s). Later I'll get around to (re)-publishing photos of the characters in my new life---friend and foe.

   I will be out of touch with the internet(s) for a few days and when I get back I intend to tackle what I've been putting off for awhile---web design.

;/j

d.

Morning walks & more...

By
Dante
on October 30, 2008 5:17 AM |
   I got up from sleep a little less than an hour ago and I'm getting ready to start a new daily regimen of mild physical exercises mixed with the walks. For almost all of my life the physical fitness part was out of mind as my metabolism and life style kept me in pretty good shape---better shape than most men my age (excepting the physical injuries and abuse--lol).  Physically I've always been quite capable of doing most if not everything I wanted to do.  In the two months I've been here in Long Beach, California I've lost the extra weight gain of the last few years and I feel the difference. It is time for me to refocus my mind on seeing myself as parts of a whole. I've come to the realization that for me to feel good the physical as well as the mental needs some conditioning.  Go figure.


   I've got a few places I feel I can go to and be with myself for an hour or so and where I can rest and prepare my mind for the day. I will start a few physical exercises during my long walks along with warm ups at home. I will be adding some type of yoga of some sort soon. But physically I feel better than I have in a few years. Psychologically, it could be better. A little house cleaning is in order. That is always a mixed bag with me. I tend to be a little drastic where self-preservation is concerned. Temperance and patience?  We'll see. 

d.

---

note to self: try no television or radio before the walks.

---

7:12 AM -back from walk

Today is a good day to die.

Old Lodge Skins: Today is a good day to die. 
Old Lodge Skins: Come out and fight! It is a good day to die! Thank You for making me a Human Being! Thank You for helpin' me to become a warrior! Thank You for my victories, and for my defeats! Thank You for my vision, and the blindness in which I saw further! You make all things and direct them in their ways, O Grandfather. And now You have decided the Human Beings will soon walk a road that leads nowhere. I am gonna die now, unless death wants to fight. And I ask You for the last time to grant me my old power to make things happen. 
[Lies down to die. After a moment, props himself up on his elbows to add:] 
Old Lodge Skins: Take care of my son here. See that he doesn't go crazy. 
Old Lodge Skins: There is an endless supply of white men. There has always been a limited number of human beings. 
[Grandfather, who has laid himself down to die, wakes up] 
Grandfather: Am I still in this world? 
Jack Crabb: Yes, Grandfather. 
Grandfather: [groans] I was afraid of that. Well, sometimes the magic works. Sometimes, it doesn't. 

   I walked the beach for a short while and did a few exercises. On my way back a woman was admiring an artists rendering in the sand nearby the walk/bike path (I walk the tide mark) so I stopped to see what she was viewing. It was a pretty cool sculpture of a face with some stuff added. What was cooler was that we---the woman and me---spoke for about a minute. She welcomed me to California after sharing her views of people who anonymously create things in the sand. I used to see the same type of things on Revere Beach and Winthrop Beach while walking Dante or walking alone that one year I had to leave the pup behind (I did visitations). I still wonder who it was that left the art and sculptures behind.

thank you whoever you all are...

Too often we underestimate
the power of a touch, a smile,
a kind word, a listening ear,
an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential
to turn a life around.

--Leo Buscaglia




<*wink>

d.

A Confederacy Of Dunces...

By
Dante
on October 29, 2008 10:52 AM |
Ain't life a bitch? Issues with ixwebhosting.com & Friends.

So not only do I have issues with playlist.com, and not only is my mac on it's last leg, but my web hosting company is so screwed up I fear I'll be offline again soon...arrrrrgh! Arguing with Russians online or others over the phone who have no power to do anything but placate is not my cuppa tea. I'll leave that to the neurotic brigades among us. Ain't life a bitch?

sigh

And to top it all off I fear I may have lost what was the beginning of a good friendship today. Sh!t happens. Maybe I'll ask Bob the Blues guy here if he wants some new material for lyrics.  

lol


---

oh yeah...and my phone numbers and calls to Charter Communications (my broadband people) are screwed. The perfect storm?

gawd, If I hadn't been through crap before I'd think the gods were conspiring against me...

...oh fortuna!!!!!


---

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY HAVE THIS TUNE ON YOUTUBE!!!  FRIGGIN' WONDERFUL FOR THE MOOD AND THE JOURNEY THAT IS MY BLISS!

Summer, fall, winter, spring 
Of the seasons I will sing 
To help you through your birth 
As you spend your time on earth 
In the wind 

The summer song won't last long 
When this warm old man has come 
I'll sing you of your birth 
As you spend your time on earth 
In the wind 

And so it goes 
As the wind blows 
The seasons will flow 
To help you through your birth 
As you spend your time on earth 
In the wind 

A mother's child 
A father's son 
In this crowd, I'm only one 
To tell you of your worth 
As you spend your time on earth 
In the wind 

And so it goes 
As the wind blows 
And so it goes 
As the wind blows

Trouble in Paradise? Naw.

By
Dante
on October 29, 2008 7:44 AM |
We're experiencing a few issues with playlist.com and I hope it is a temporary thing. The idea of downloading a  player and converting files in order to list songs/tunes on this blog is too much to contemplate at this time. Other than this issue my life seems to be rolling along. Not bad, eh?

---

I have another appointment with the dentist today (great guy from new york--an exception?) (it's a joke---new yorkers---calm down) and I have an ultrasound scheduled for next week. I also have a few medical tests scheduled for this next month and then my med-house should be in order.

now onto personal relationships and what I want to do when I grow up. 

go figure

d.

------

back @ 10:20 AM

   Here I am back from a walk and a great sit and meditate/think/contemplate/be-still-with-self at the Long Beach Perfoming Arts Center (too bad the place has such sucky web people---can never get on their web site). They have a pool of water outside that reminds me of the Church of Christ, Scientist's Mother Church in Boston...



View Larger Map


...this new find (I've been there before but never for a morning session) looks to be one of my new sanctuaries away from the noise of life. I'll see how it goes. There are few places here like the parks in the Boston area to get with one's self. Is the West Coast all like this place?

Medical Blues

By
Dante
on October 28, 2008 8:34 AM |
Here I am slightly more than two months into living here in Long Beach and I am finally getting my dental/medical house in order. For somebody who expected to hit the ground running like I did, and who did loads of preplanning before making the move, like I did---this has all been a painful experience. Must everything associated with California become a lesson in patience? From crossing the streets...with the light...to having people live up to expectations and promises has been full of lessons in patience and more.

the journey continues...

except WTF happened to my bliss?!

;/)

d.

-----

off to the dentist

I'll log in later with some info on what I am up to.

Good News...not so random, random thoughts.

By
Dante
on October 26, 2008 9:09 AM |
   The good news is that I've been getting hit with a few doubts and some new anxiety about my move---about following my bliss. Why is that good news? Because it means I am looking deep into my own soul and mind and playing with healthy reality/perceptual checks in ways I thought I'd lost the ability to do. The last 18-19 years have been a long journey with a fair share of dark days. My survival skills were put to the test and here I am. I did IT may way. And I won. I am here.

   For too long I had put things aside. I did this because at one time that was necessary for my survival. Life had put far too much on my plate for me to handle in the ways I was equipped to. But like most everything else it became a case of out of site out of mind. The time came a few years ago to move on. The last decade of my life has been a journey in self-awareness This is not to say self-awareness was foreign to me---it was not. But I am always surprised that there are so many levels to explore. IT defies mine, and certainly the average imaginations.

   I've always been cognizant of the fact that many of the decisions I made were decisions acted out in ways that defied an interest in self-preservation. Self destructiveness had (and has) it's twisted charms, and the allure of the of control (false sense, but control nonetheless) it brought me was addictive. I got high from being self-destructive and it was on a very primal level an awesome thing to experience.


---

more on this later

it is now 9:33 AM and I have already taken a long walk along the water front.

d.





and I did not miss ms. eel kravirtz's comment from yesterday. eel, is an e-pal who charmed me as much as I charmed the boards a few years ago. I'd use her real name excepting we know what those stalkers who keep IP addresses and d-files are like.

tff

; / j

d.

My Head Is Spinning...

By
Dante
on October 23, 2008 6:45 PM | | Comments (2)
Earlier today I took a long (two hour) walk along the beach (I have to get back into the habit of prioritizing the walks). Initiating the walks along the water is difficult without the pup by my side to remind me that- it's time. Why do I miss the pup so much? I think I finally know---I knew all along but was just not ready to give life to those emotions. 


sigh..........................................


After the walk I stopped by the GVB for few brief minutes (I had been there earlier in the morning) came home and started to play around on my old trusty mac which is slowly dying. Oy vey!!!  What a bummer.

right now:
Listening to The Best Of Spinners on my itunes (avoiding working on web design stuff) and wondering about the emotional state of mind of everyone (myself included) around me and especially of all those I've met throughout the years. As far as  can tell emotion is a very controlling influence in most people's lives---too controlling at times. Memories and other things involving perception are heavily affected and effected by emotions. I wish I could think of another term to use in place of  "things" in the last sentence but it eludes me right now.

I just had to come here and share something. Why not link to itunes and sample Sadie and other tunes off the album? Who knows---maybe we'll share an e-motion. All in all it's been a good day to die.

;/j

d.


"Like Howdy Doo, your tin soldiers, your clowns too
They're all laughing at you, I'm laughing at you too..."

 -How Could I Let You Get Away (when I knew I'd need somebody soon)



---

today I got two really timely and sweet emails---one from the elusive Orlando and the other from mister conviviality---Shelton.

thanks guys!

d.



The Vibe: Where The East Meets The West.

By
Dante
on October 21, 2008 6:39 PM |
This post is nothing but a place holder. I need to establish something here so the blog has something that resembles content. I will add what I consider relevant content in due time.

---

;/j

d.
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